For many children and young people, September can bring about a big emotional shift in the transition from summer to going back to school.

For parents and carers, the emotional shift can be even more pronounced, as they not only support their children but also manage their own fears and anxieties about the transition from the summer period back to school and work.

It is so much more than the back-to-school photos on the doorstep and getting the uniforms ready; for many young people it can be a time of heightened emotions, a sadness that summer has ended, and a potential uncertainty of what is to come, especially if they are making a transition from primary school to high school.

In my work as a person-centred counsellor, I have supported hundreds of young people through this time of change and potential upheaval, alongside many parents.

I often have worked creatively drawing up ‘mini support plans’ to help young people be involved in their own decision-making processes as to what will actually be helpful for them in returning to school and giving them a sense of their own autonomy.

One reoccurring theme I have noticed that helps parents/carers empower their children is rather than giving presumptive statements and asking interrogating questions like,

"You normally love school; what’s so bad about going back?” Instead, get curious about their fears and ask open questions, such as, “Is it a general worry about everything related to going back to school, or are there certain parts of going back that concern you?” Can we break it down a bit so it feels more manageable?

In the run-up to going back to school, it can often be helpful to reintroduce the school routine a week or so early; trying to get sleep patterns back on track with only a couple of days to go could be quite the recipe for disaster.

Young people may reject routine and consistency initially, but it can help reduce their mental load, provide emotional regulation and give some certainty in a time where school may offer the opposite.

Some young people may say, “I’m fine," in the run-up to going back to school, but look at their behaviour instead:

This may look like:
Struggling with sleep

Feeling sick

Loss of appetite

Difficulty concentrating

Wanting extra reassurance



In my therapy work with young people, I also help parents support them. I often talk about

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

For children to thrive, on the bottom layer of the triangle, which I refer to as ‘having solid foundations'.

I feel it is essential to enquire:
Have they slept?

Have they eaten?

Do they feel safe?

Do they feel valued?

Have they self-belief?

If these core basics are lacking, it is very difficult for young people to move their way up to something called ‘self-actualisation’ at the top of the triangle. This is where they can discover who they are and gain a sense of identity at school. If their homelife can help provide these needs, young people will potentially be helped greatly when going back to school.

Lastly, parents/carers can check in with their own back-to-school anxieties; young people are often very quick to pick up on parental anxiety. It is ok to share your feelings with a friend, relative or even therapist re your child going back to school.

For example:
Will my child be ok?

Will they make friends?

Will they cope?

Often in my work I talk to parents about putting on their own oxygen mask first before attending to others. It is important both metaphorically and practically that you can breathe.

As parents/carers you don’t need to eliminate every worry your child may have about going back to school but listening without immediately fixing or judging will certainly go a long way.

Lisa Norfolk

Lisa Norfolk is a person-centred counsellor and psychotherapist. She’s been in practice since 2006, working with young people (11+), adults and parents in Leeds as well as online/over the phone.

As well as working as a counsellor at The Market Place charity in Leeds for 20 years, she has supported young people, families and adults at The Samaritans and other charities. This includes extensive bereavement, crisis, creative and parent/family work. She continues to work as a counsellor with young people and parents.

Her aim is simple: A safe, boundaried space where someone can be heard, make sense of what’s going on, and move at a pace that fits them. Lisa often brings in creative approaches, such as drawing, objects or writing, when words are not quite enough. Her practice is trauma-informed and rooted in autonomy and choice.
https://www.lisanorfolkcounselling.com/
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