Whilst the festive season can be a time full of joy and happiness, it can also be a very lonely time of year for many. Mental health expert Noel McDermott looks at what you can do to combat this and make this time of year as positive as possible, not just for you but for others.

It's important to recognize that not everyone experiences the holidays in the same way, and for those struggling with loneliness, reaching out for support can make a significant difference. Whether it's connecting with loved ones, seeking out community resources, or simply taking time for self-care, there are ways to navigate these feelings and find comfort during the holiday season.

Loneliness is a significant problem for our health and wellbeing, especially if you are older and especially if we are men. We are social animals and require a support network to function well. Loneliness is thought of akin to, but not the same as being alone. Also some people are more introverted and enjoy their own company. Loneliness is deeper than being alone and it’s when we feel no one cares or we are not important to others. A new born child takes some time to develop a sense of what is called object permanence, a sense that things have a reality beyond our immediate perception of them. It’s why young children can become so upset when mum leaves. For the child they don’t know she still exists even though is not in sight and the child becomes very distressed. Gradually over time they learn that mum does survive absence and they build an internal representation of mum that soothes them when she is absent.

Why it’s important to feel needed

That process is a two-way street. That capacity to be held in someone else's mind when we are not with them is a crucial part of our emotional wellbeing. To know that someone thinks about us and brings us to mind and reaches out to us to check in helps us maintain health and wellbeing. It’s a central part of our capacity to self soothe (regulate) when distressed and also contributes fundamentally to our ability to build meaning and purpose in our everyday life. We are more than just our current experience because someone else cares about us and needs us. The capacity to exist in the minds of others and to have them exist in our minds underscores much of human experience and something troubling is lost when that is diminished. We become distressed and ill.

Loneliness could be psychologically understood as this sense of deep emptiness of meaning and connection. But it is relatively easy to manage, so this Christmas make it a goal to reach out to someone you think is lonely, typically older people or people with disabilities, but also typically men. Glasgow used to see men die younger than anywhere esle in the UK and factoring out all lifestyle issues one of the key factors for these mortality issues in men was loneliness.

What can you do?

Identify your neighbours who may be lonely and start sending cards

Identify others in work who may be lonely (disabled, older, single men) and have a coffee once a week (or more)

Volunteer at your local shelter to offer company

Locate older and or disabled people’s groups in your area to see if you can volunteer as a buddy

List all the folk in your family and friends network who may be at risk of loneliness and send them texts saying ’thinking of you’, ’you came to mind’, ‘do you remember when’ etc and arrange to go make some memories with them

Key advice if you’re feeling lonely this season

If you are feeling lonely, don’t ignore it. The feeling is telling you to take action. Reach out to family and friends and tell them you are feeling lonely. They will rally round and fill you with love for sure. If you are isolated and feeling lonely you can call the Samaritans for example, they are there to support you. You can also tell your GP and ask for social prescribing to local interest and activity groups. If mobility is an issue don’t worry, there are tons of online groups now, far more than IRL. We all know the distress of feeling lonely and want to help each other.

One of the best things you will ever do for your own health and wellbeing is to help another person. Helping doesn’t need any other skill than the capacity to empathise and show kindness.

Finally, DOSE yourself up!

Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins are reward hormones that promote health and wellbeing and engaging in activities such as helping others, promotes these and will make life much more pleasant and rewarding.

Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and coordinate personalised teams to meet your needs – https://www.mentalhealthworks.net/