Why Men Need To Talk

June is men’s mental health month and more than ever, men need to be taking care of their mental health. The power of masculine culture can exert a strong unconscious influence on men, with the adage ‘boys don’t cry’. This message can be strongly reinforced from a young age with the message that it’s not alright for men to show their emotions and they really do need ‘to man up!’ Such a display of emotion by a man is considered by some as unmanly, a bit ‘sissy’ or leaves the man exposed to being judged as ‘weak.’

Men can also be taught that they should be the ‘rock’ for everyone else and so they can’t fall apart or have their own struggles. Trying to be strong for everyone else can mean there is nothing left for the man to support himself, leaving him running on empty and vulnerable.

This relationship that some men have with their emotions, can result in them feeling isolated and thus not disclosing to others when things are not going well. This in turn can leave them vulnerable to becoming mentally unwell and struggling to cope alone. Sadly, some men can turn to substances and addictive behaviours to try and cope with their mental health.

This can lead to additional problems such as alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling problems which of course only make a difficult situation so much worse.

Research in the UK has shown that men make up only one third of referrals to psychological services and that women are also 1.58 times more likely to receive any form of treatment (either medication or psychological therapy) even when controlling for prevalence rates. Although men complete more suicides globally, in western countries the male-to-female ratio is notably higher, whereby men are 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide compared to their female counterparts.

My own anecdotal evidence of being a male psychologist and having worked in Dublin and London, suggests that I always had a larger caseload of female patients and fewer male patients. This may be indicative of what the research suggests that women are more likely to see their GP and ask for and get some psychological support. Could there be a correlation between men not seeking support for their mental health and as a result leaving them vulnerable to coping alone and being at risk to themselves?

Getting men to talk about how they feel is no easy feat and there is no one solution that will facilitate that. However, breaking the taboo and silence of men and mental health is a great place to start. Mental health is gender-less and shows no impartiality. Both men and women can be mentally well and mentally unwell. Sharing your problems with another person and allowing them to support you can be beneficial to help get what is on your mind, out of your mind. This initial conversation with a friend, family member or work colleague can be the vital first step. We as psychologists, GP’s and other mental health professionals can be the secondary steps that are taken.
The quote by the Chinese philosopher Laozi (c 604 bc – c 531 bc) ‘a single journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,’ suggests that we must start somewhere, take a step and let the journey begin. For men, taking that first single step is vital to starting a conversation about how they feel. Facilitating this initial step is the responsibility of everyone. We can all take responsibility to check in on our family and friends and be a supportive influence in their lives. It’s also our personal responsibility to utilise that support and allow ourselves to receive this help when its offered and available.

For men, not getting support and going it alone can leave them trapped in their own heads and the only perspective they get is their own. A slight movement or crack in this internal silence can shift a distressing, internal psychological state and bring emotional relief.
Words, a conversation can facilitate this shift. In conclusion, getting men to talk starts with cracking this subject and shedding light on it. ‘Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in,” – Leonard Cohen (Anthem).

Dr Mark Rackley

@drmarkrackley
www.drmarkrackley.com
Listen to my podcast: I Have Issues, The Mental Health Podcast From Dr Mark Rackley (on all major podcast platforms)

For support with your mental health:
-Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service.
-Make an urgent appointment with your GP.
-Go to your nearest Accident and Emergency (A&E) department.
-Visit www.nhs.uk. All areas have local mental health crisis lines where urgent help, possibly at home, can also be arranged.