Anger Management: The Clue Is In The Name

“Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” These warning words are uttered by Dr David Banner in the 80’s TV show, The Incredible Hulk. Dr Banner warns people not to anger him as this changes him from a mild-mannered scientist to an out of control, destructive and unstoppable creature. Controlling his anger is the key to controlling the green-skinned hulk.

Anger is a universal emotion that we all possess and is hard-wired into the brain. We’ll all experience various states of anger, even if we think we are totally zen in how we deal with life. This can range from mild irritation and agitation to screaming and shouting. It can also show itself in out-of-control rage, physical violence and other destructive behaviours.

Anger gets a lot of bad press and tends to be viewed as a negative emotion as it can cause a lot of problems if not managed properly, but strange as it may sound, it does have its advantages.

Anger is a familiar emotional response when we feel threatened, attacked, powerless, frustrated, are being unfairly treated or perceive that we have been a victim of injustice. As an emotion, it’s informative and gives a situation meaning and helps us interpret what is going on. Anger can tell us that something is not right and that it needs to change.

History is littered with examples of angry people using the energy of anger to bring about positive change. Look at the civil rights movement that occurred in the USA, the anti-apartheid demonstrations within South Africa and the climate change marches that regularly happen now. Angry people are formidable when they use that energy to force change. Be careful around an angry person as a change might be coming your way.

Anger gets a bad reputation as an emotion in part because it’s powerful and produces a lot of emotional energy. This is the part of anger that lots of people have problems with. If the energy in anger is not managed, it can rage out of control and like all energy it can become destructive and catastrophic in its consequences. We can easily lose control of ourselves if we cannot control the energy in anger and turn into our own version of the incredible hulk.

Working with our anger in a healthy way, means we need to own it! Owning our anger means we take responsibility for the fact that we have an issue with anger and do not blame or pass this off as someone else’s problem or issue. Understanding the triggers for our anger is vitally important. These can include when people raise their voice to us, when we feel we are a victim of injustice, when we are in a situation where we feel powerless, when we receive unwanted negative attention or in certain social situations. There can be numerous other personal triggers that can cause our anger to be triggered, get to know yours.

Anger management involves sensing when we are becoming angry and intervening with the emotional energy at an early stage to help bring that under control. This involves paying attention to the physiological changes or warning signs that occur when we’re getting angry, such as feeling agitated, increased body temperature, increased heart rate and finding it hard to focus.

Finally, anger management is about managing the emotion and not the other way around. To do so, it is important that we ‘pick our battles!’ If as an adult we fight every single slight, crossed word or perceived injustice that comes our way, we will find ourselves angry on a regular basis. This will be exhausting, having a negative impact on our body and brain and won’t shift our anger issue anywhere but will just keep it stuck.

‘Picking our battles’ consider which battles we can let go and which ones are worth fighting. Is fighting for a car park space at the supermarket worth fighting for as much as our bank overcharging us by a lot of money? Choosing which battles to fight allows us to manage our angry response and attach it in a healthy way to situations that really matter.

If you struggle with your anger, you are not alone. Lots of people can have an issue with anger. However, you have a choice whether to learn how to manage it or just let it manage you. Anger management is up to you, don’t just accept anger as ‘this is the way I am,’ you can learn to be a calmer, less angry version of yourself which is a win/win situation for everyone.

Dr Mark Rackley

@drmarkrackley
www.drmarkrackley.com
Listen to my podcast: I Have Issues, The Mental Health Podcast From Dr Mark Rackley (on all major podcast platforms)

For support with your mental health:
-Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service.
-Make an urgent appointment with your GP.
-Go to your nearest Accident and Emergency (A&E) department.
-Visit www.nhs.uk. All areas have local mental health crisis lines where urgent help, possibly at home, can also be arranged.